Compromise | Atomic Blonde, Ladies of the Night, and Big Girl Pants

2017 greeted me in a drunken stupor, unawares and disoriented.  I saw 2018 still caught off guard but this time holding flowers.

I found myself in a position where I was lucky enough to hate my job for a superficial reason.  And though it was trivial, I none the less found myself in a state of internal conflict.  I had the type of job where I couldn’t believe I got paid to do something that I would have done for free.  I love those kinds of jobs.  Doing them is like getting away with the perfect crime.  It’s right up there with dog walking and having to be on a boat for half the day, that is assuming you like dogs and boats.  The only downside to this job was the people I worked with.  They meant well I’m sure, but in doing this job I had to do something that I hated, something that me and the girl I worked with both agreed was a stupid waste of time 75% of the time.  I had to shadow customers.

While I didn’t exactly have to do anything immoral, my inner angsty deviant hated the fact that while the store owner was there, which was less than half of the time I spent at that job, I had to shadow customers, or at the very least convincingly appear to “follow” customers throughout the store as they perused.

In my experience, unless one is an exemplary thief, you can tell when a customer is up to no good.  They aren’t very talkative, they dismiss you when you go to great them, and they are kind of jumpy.  Then the really good lifters, the repeat offenders, the boss/manager of that store has more or less already got them pegged as a thief so they can tell you straight up to look out for certain people.  The fact of the matter is: not everyone is untrustworthy and no customer wants to feel like they are being followed throughout the store.  Some customers want a little more attention, they’ll ask you questions and you’ll shop through the store with them at their request.  Others want space, they are on a mission, and if you are in the area they will come up to you and ask you for help.  You make more sales when you don’t hover, and you create a more comfortable and friendly sales environment this way.  The kind of environment where a customer wants to stay a while and thus is more likely to buy something and/or make repeat visits.

This was my opinion about sales thus far, so when the owner told me that if I wanted to prove that I was worth keeping on the payroll, I would have to stay closer to the customers in order to “bring in the sales”, I was more than a little peeved.

Me, being the stubborn person that I am, for the rest of the time he was there I sulked and focused on the non-retail aspect of my job – the better half, the job that I was primarily hired to do -.  I appeared to disregard his advice, essentially ignoring some of the customers that came in.  In essence, the exact opposite of what one should do if they hope to keep a job where their boss has advised them to change a specific behavior.  My logic being: “fuck it, if they fire me, I’ll just get a new job” wholly aware of the fact that it would be a pain in the ass to find a job like this that I didn’t completely hate getting up in the morning for.

And then it happened.  I heard “A Little Work” by Fergie on Pandora, 2018 rolled around, I watched Atomic Blonde for the first time, and I grew a pair.

I genuinely enjoyed the non-retail aspect of my job and the people who I worked with, though I couldn’t see us being BFFs, were good at heart. Most importantly, I had a job and I wasn’t living in a box. In following people around the store, I would have to compromise a portion of myself, but at least I got to stand right side up for work. Really, what more could I ask for?

So as the clock struck 1, 2018 seemed like it was gonna be the kind of year where I picked my own flowers, pulled up my big girl, vintage Levi’s, dug my heels in, and lay the groundwork for my future career – which I hoped I would dislike less and less with each passing job.  I could put on a face for him and a face for her all the while collecting skills and growing a thicker skin that would hopefully serve me well in the future.

Things don’t have to be perfect, just tolerable, and it’s not forever.  So here’s to 2018, a year of compromise.  Digging my claws in, putting my resting bitch face on, and getting shit done.

Cheers.