We’ve all heard the countless adages, “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind”, “turn the other cheek”, “forgive and forget” and so much more. We hear it so much that it becomes a familiar background noise as we face microaggressions and stressful environments day in and day out.
We nod our heads when we hear words encouraging forgiveness, but when faced with the two paths of holding on to anger and forgiving but not forgetting, one may find themself ready to forgive…but under one or more conditions. What once was an opportunity to practice forgiveness can turn into a negotiation exercise, a battle over resources or to gain ground.
The chorus of forgiveness may seem preachy, but the importance of the act of forgiveness can sometimes be glaringly evident when a group of individuals finds themselves at a table together discussing systematic injustice.
“What does forgiveness have to do with fighting injustice?” you may ask. Well, for one, the point is not to forgive and forget hundreds of years of oppression. It is more nuanced than that.
When talking about systemic injustice, for those who are truly interested in making change, at some point or another an individual may find themself taking a real hard look at their life and what privileges, or lack thereof, have gotten them to this point. For those in positions of power, you are forced to look at those structures that brought you up to the top while millions of others, other people just as, if not more, capable as you, aren’t sitting at that same table. You are forced to ask why there is such inequality which often leads down to a path of violence, hate, and a body count that is just too hard not to look away from.
For those warriors constantly living in a state of systematic oppression who fight every day to survive – and if they are lucky thrive – as the odds are stacked against them, you may, amongst other feelings, be mentally preparing for the wave of enthusiasm for action to die down to see who will still be sitting at the tables and having the hard conversations after social justice stops being a front page news story and we’ve all moved on to a cute, non judgmental funny cat video. You may have attended several functions as of late about “a need for action” that all spoke to the same need without concrete next steps. You may be tired of another conversation and are waiting for talk to turn into action before this wave of support fades.
All that to say, there is a certain level of vulnerability required at various stages of the process to address social injustice. To talk about the skeletons in the closet and those in the ground upon which we’ve built our offices and systems requires us to look at how we got where we are and that story is gory. It’s ugly, it’s crude, and it’s true, so true it hurts.
When you get to that space of anger, disgust, shame, sadness, and disappointment in humanity: hold.
Don’t flinch or run away from what you see in that space. Don’t look around the room for the nearest oppressee to absolve you of your privilege. If you’re triggered, good. It means there’s stuff in that space of discomfort to unpack.
Unpack it with compassion.
Sit with it with grace.
Looking at injustice is traumatic. It opens wounds that are carelessly scabbed over and easily retraumatizes. We all have some kind of connection to injustice. We’ve all at some point been judged. Injustice isn’t made up of rainbows and unicorns so it’s okay that it’s hard and scary work.
It is within this space that will either make or break you.
It is easy to hold onto hate, to judge a group for the actions of individuals – especially when that group is still blindly making allowances for the oppressive structures of the whole. All groups are guilty of this. We all live in the same system rooted in injustice and are culturally predisposed to make decisions that enforce that system.
It is harder to see that all actions don’t carry malice. Some certainly do, many are rooted in fear.
Forgiveness does not mean having a place setting at your table for everybody. You can forgive folks from the comfort of your home without letting them into your space. Always vet individuals before inviting them into you mental space.
Forgive as in, letting go of the anger and resentment that drain and don’t serve you.
Forgive as in, hearing all sides of the story, all perspectives. One group isn’t in charge of coming up with a solution for structural injustice, we’re all accountable.
Forgive as in, accepting that not everyone is ready to hear your truth, and you can’t force them to meet you were you’re at.
Forgive as in, sometimes you’ll be disappointed and let down.
Forgive as in, don’t assume that everyone will disappoint and let you down.
Caia Rose 