Feeling – Depression

I lay here. In bed.

Rendered immobile, by a thousand tiny thoughts.

A thousand tiny thoughts racing through my head.

Feelings of…

inadaquecy

incompetence

incapacity

surrender.

I surrender to a need for…rest.

A necessity for a sedentary lifestyle.

I ground myself

curtains closed

under covers

under feelings

under tears.

I don the comfiest clothes I can find

let myself slip from zen thoughts of meditation, of OM

to a deadened quiet.

A retreat from the ONENESS of everything

I cut myself off.

Eyes closed and unwilling to see

to comprehend

to feel…

but in running away from the feelings

I feel

EVERYTHING.

All. At. Once.

In an effort to run away from introspection

I find myself contemplating my existance

where I am

from where I’ve come

to where I’d like to go

I contemplate my place

in all of this

and if I’m liking where I stand

what I stand for

who I stand with.

A maddening cyclical introspective state

teathered to my bed

under blankets

under cover

incogneto

hiding from

myself

with myself

finding only myself

seeing all that I thought I had run away from

clear as day

right before me

and so much more.

A thousand tiny thoughts racing through my head

weighing on my heart

as I lay in bed.